Celebrate Christ Recovery Forum: "The Synergy of Science and Scripture."
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Codependency is managing the FEELINGS of others. A codependent is dependent on another person for their personal (specious) well being. Codependency is, essentially, an addiction to another person; the compulsive need to control that part of their life that is out-of-control.   Codependency is complicated to define, but it involves actively seeking to control or manipulate others, give unsolicited advice, rescue needy people, or base our self-concept on the well-being or approval of others. It’s a life-controlling issue because we allow the behavior of another person to effect our behavior, so that we become consumed with that person and their problems. This obsession with the issues and problems of others, becomes debilitating to us as we exhaust inordinate and inappropriate amounts of mental and emotional energy over them, leaving little, if any, energy for ourselves. 

The difference between compassion and codependence centers on how a person views himself or herself. Compassionate people possess the ability to empathize and sympathize with the suffering of others while taking responsibility for their own needs. Codependent individuals put the feelings of others before themselves, setting aside their own needs in order to serve someone else. One accepted theory links compassion and codependence to setting boundaries and respecting the limits set by others.

Codependent people typically do not set personal boundaries for themselves and cannot recognize boundaries set by others. Their behavior is based on sacrifice and a perceived obligation to help others fix their problems. They commonly work to protect others from the consequences of behavior and do things for others they are capable of doing themselves. Compassion and codependence might be explained as opposites, because compassionate individuals control their own lives and allow others to do the same.
When a person does not set personal boundaries, or if he is unsure of them, he might not feel safe. He may possess a strong urge to help someone, despite his own unmet needs. Codependent people commonly navigate toward people who need to be rescued and protected. They need to be needed and might suffer from low self-esteem.

The term codependency describes a situation in which a person literally becomes emotionally addicted to another person's addiction. Some experts even refer to codependency as a "relationship addiction", because codependents often form dysfunctional, one-sided relationships with self-destructive partners.

Codependency is a symptom of something else that is wrong in our lives, a displaced attempt to manage our emotions. Codependent behavior is a displaced response to emotionally overwhelming adverse circumstances that cause us to feel helpless and trapped and out of control. Codependence always serves an emotional purpose.  Codependent behavior is actually and attempt to escape the emotional trap and regain power and control. Codependent compulsive behavior always serves an emotional purpose.
When chemical abusers respond with direct healthy behavior instead of displace substitute behavior, the emotional cause is replaced. There is always another choice, a more direct healthy choice, it is called Christ Driven Behavior (CDB). People find that when they take direct action, their addictive codependent urge vanishes. This sounds like magic, but it makes sense: having acted more directly, they no longer need the substitute behavior to regain control. 

Proverbs 29:11:  "A fool vents their feelings, a wise person holds them back." (Addictive behavior, all hurts, habits and hangups are a response to overwhelming feeling of helplessness, being trapped and out of control).
Romans 12:2:  "Don't be conformed to this world but instead be transformed with new thinking." (We can respond to adversity with displaced behavior or direct healthy behavior, which is Christ Driven Behavior based on Christ’s values and tenets…)
2 Corinthians 12:9-10:  
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (Surrender control to God, Intelligently Delegate control to Christ over life’s inevitable feelings of helplessness…..).
John 14:16:
  I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— (We regain control of our helpless trapped feelings with the Holy Spirit, this is Reciprocal Innervation-we give God Control-He returns the control with Christ like thinking and values).
Galatians 5:22-23:
   The fruits of the Spirit are self-control, love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness.” (Regain control of your life in a healthy way. If you have a choice, choose a better life, of health direct Christ Driven Behavior).
2 Corinthians 5:17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. “ God specializes in making all thing new.

 


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"I am a Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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I found an very short article with a test at the end that might help you figure out if you struggle with co-dependency. 

http://www.soulshepherding.org/2005/07/codependency-test/

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Great find!

Codependency Test

For the Codependency Test answer each question with “yes” (mostly true for me) or “no” (mostly not true for me).  Circle each “yes” answer and count the total.

1.  Do you tolerate mistreatment from people in hopes of being loved?

2.  Do you depend on people who are emotionally unavailable to care for you?

3.  Do you feel compelled to help people to feel better or to solve their problems?

4.  Do you rescue others from the consequences of their irresponsible behavior?

5.  Do you feel empty, bored, or unimportant if you’re not helping someone or responding to a crisis?

6.  Is it hard for you to say “no” when someone asks you for help?

7. Is it hard for you to ask for help?

8. In close relationships do you lose interest in your own life?

9. Are you quick to get angry about injustices done to others?

10.  Do you often talk about other people and their problems?

11.  Do you worry about how other people are feeling?

12.  Do you worry about other people’s opinions of you?

13.  Do you keep quiet to avoid conflicts with people?

14.  Is it hard for you to talk with a boss or someone else in authority?

15.  Do you feel more comfortable giving to others rather than receiving from them?

16.  Is it difficult for you to receive attention, compliments, or gifts from others?


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"I am a Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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"I am a Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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"I am a Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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There is no reason why anyone with any hurt, habit, or hang up cannot be helped. The Person-God partnership simply needs to be more powerful than any hurt, habit or hangup.

Behind everything you do is a THOUGHT.

Every BEHAVIOR is motivated by a BELIEF.

Every ACTION is prompted by an ATTITUDE.

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With respect to behavior, life is about, emotions, beliefs, thinking and control.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."Proverbs 29:11 (Displaced Behaviors)

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 (Direct Behavior)

When you think and empower yourself and surrender control to God, when you Intelligently Delegate Control to God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10),

God returns that control to you with a, “Helper," the Holy Spirit, (John 14:16) a form of Reciprocal Innervation.

You regain control: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

No longer are you subject to corrupted displaced thinking but instead are transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

This is where science and scripture intertwine, where Christ Driven Behavior brings, values, control, cause, character and purpose driven behavior, the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23 .

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Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

2 Corinthians 12-9:“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

John 14:16: "He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—"

Philippians 2:13: "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Galatians 5:22-23 "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Ephesians 4:22-23 "...put away the old person you used to be. Have nothing to do with your old sinful life. It was sinful because of being fooled into following bad desires. Let your minds and hearts be made new."

Life is about finding Purpose. When you have a, "Global Purpose," in life, healthy direct assertive thinking and behavior follow.

Change your thinking, change your life!

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