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All About Men and Infidelity

Ten Reasons Why Men Cheat

"Men who engage in sexual and romantic entanglements after making a vow of monogamy do so for a variety of underlying psychological reasons. The most common of these reasons are:

  1. He’s a liar. He never intended to be monogamous, despite his commitment. He doesn’t understand that his vow of fidelity is a sacrifice made to and for his relationship and the person he professes to love. This man views monogamy as something to be worked around rather than embraced.
  2. He is insecure. Deep down he feels that his is too young, too old, too fat, too thin, too poor, too stupid, or too whatever to be desirable. He uses flirtation, porn, and extramarital sex as a way to feel better about himself, to reassure himself that he is still desirable, worthwhile, and “good enough.”
  3. He is immature. He thinks that as long as his wife/girlfriend/partner doesn’t find out, he’s not hurting anybody. He doesn’t understand that significant others near always know when something is up. He doesn’t “get it” that his partner will eventually find out what’s been going on, and when that occurs it won’t be pretty.
  4. He is damaged. Perhaps he is acting out early trauma experiences, such as physical abuse, neglect, or sexual abuse. His formative wounds have left him unable or unwilling to fully commit himself to one other person. He may also seek sexual intensity outside his relationship as a way to self-medicate (escape from) his emotional and psychological pain.
  5. He has unreasonable expectations. He believes that his spouse should meet his every sexual and emotional need 24/7/365, without fail. In his narcissistic and self-focused way, he doesn’t understand that his spouse may be juggling multiple priorities (kids, work, home, finances, etc.) in addition to him and the relationship. When this spouse inevitably fails him (in his view), he feels entitled to seek intimate attention elsewhere.
  6. He is bored, overworked, or otherwise put-upon (in his mind), and feels deserving of something special that is just for him - something like hiring prostitutes, viewing porn, or having affairs. Or maybe he wants more attention from his mate and thinks a period of his pulling away will cause her to comply.
  7. He is confused about love. He mistakes limerence - the “rush” of early romance - with love. He does not understand that in truly loving relationships the early, visceral attraction is gradually replaced by sweeter feelings of longer-term attachment, honesty, commitment, and emotional intimacy.
  8. He is addicted. Perhaps he has an ongoing, problematic relationship with alcohol or drugs that affects his decision-making and disinhibits him. He may also have an issue with sexual compulsivity, meaning he uses sexual activity as a way to self-soothe, escape uncomfortable emotions, and dissociate from the pain of underlying psychological conditions.
  9. He wants out. He is looking to end his current relationship and is using external sexual and romantic activities to give his wife or girlfriend “the message” without having to be direct with her. Or, if he is one of those men who doesn’t like being alone, period, then finding a new and “better” person before leaving a current relationship provides a safer and softer landing.
  10. He lacks male-bonding and a peer community. Having undervalued his healthy need to maintain solid, supportive friendships and community with other men, his reaction to a busy or distracted spouse is all the more injurious - as he expects all of his emotional and physical needs to be met by this one person."

Source: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201310/all-about-men-and-infidelity


In an effort to make the complex simple, there is one reason why men cheat:

They fail to love God with all their heart, all their soul, all their mind, and with all their strength. Mark 12:30.
This premise is mentioned no less than 9 times in Bible.

The psalmist asks, “How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?” (Psalm 4:2).
In my view, the greatest evil of a hurt, habit or hang-up, is simply that it separates us from God.

 


__________________
"I am a Grateful Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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There is no reason why anyone with any hurt, habit, or hang up cannot be helped. The Person-God partnership simply needs to be more powerful than any hurt, habit or hangup.

Behind everything you do is a THOUGHT.

Every BEHAVIOR is motivated by a BELIEF.

Every ACTION is prompted by an ATTITUDE.

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With respect to behavior, life is about, emotions, beliefs, thinking and control.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."Proverbs 29:11 (Displaced Behaviors)

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 (Direct Behavior)

When you think and empower yourself and surrender control to God, when you Intelligently Delegate Control to God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10),

God returns that control to you with a, “Helper," the Holy Spirit, (John 14:16) a form of Reciprocal Innervation.

You regain control: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

No longer are you subject to corrupted displaced thinking but instead are transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

This is where science and scripture intertwine, where Christ Driven Behavior brings, values, control, cause, character and purpose driven behavior, the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23 .

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Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

2 Corinthians 12-9:“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

John 14:16: "He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—"

Philippians 2:13: "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Galatians 5:22-23 "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Ephesians 4:22-23 "...put away the old person you used to be. Have nothing to do with your old sinful life. It was sinful because of being fooled into following bad desires. Let your minds and hearts be made new."

Life is about finding Purpose. When you have a, "Global Purpose," in life, healthy direct assertive thinking and behavior follow.

Change your thinking, change your life!

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