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Needy? 5 Tips to Stop Codependent People-pleasing

People-pleasing behavior may be a symptom of underlying dysfunctional ideas.
 

"Have you ever been called a people pleaser?  Do you see yourself as needy?  This behavior, sometimes a symptom of co-depency, may be driven by underlying dysfunctional ideas."

"Dr. Albert Ellis, the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), encouraged his patients to become more self-directed, rather than to engage in excessive people pleasing.  Why did he do this?  So that their choices led to outcomes that served their best interests. Also encouraging a healthy balance between social-interest and self-interest, Ellis emphasized that focusing on another was not to the exclusion of taking care of the self."

Read More: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fearless-you/201410/needy-5-tips-stop-codependent-people-pleasing


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"I am a Surrendered Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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Your Inner Compass, REBT, and Developing Your Self-direction

Seek disapproval instead of approval? This and other tips!

"Seeking disapproval, instead of seeking approval?  Well, it may help you to become more self-directed.  The founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), Dr. Albert Ellis, regularly encouraged his patients to make their own choices, assert their rights, and attack their shame, so as to become more self-directed.  In the process, he taught them that they could survive and thrive in the face of another person's disapproval, even if they wanted approval very badly. "

Most would agree that it is probably normal to occasionally ask your friends and family for their opinions, and to consider their opinions when you make a big decision.  However, when it gets out of hand, you'll see that you're attempting to tailor your decisions to please your friends and family; at that point, you might lose your inner sense of what’s right for you, what some call your inner compass, or what REBT calls self-direction.  Over time, losing sight of your inner compass may mean that you're likely to opt for choices based more upon what would be pleasing to someone else, instead of you."

Read more: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fearless-you/201410/your-inner-compass-rebt-and-developing-your-self-direction


__________________
"I am a Surrendered Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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Change your thinking by changing your belief system……


What is REBT?

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) is a form of psychotherapy and a philosophy of living created by Albert Ellis in the 1950's.
REBT (pronounced R.E.B.T. — it is not pronounced rebbit) is based on the premise that whenever we become upset, it is not the events taking place in our lives that upset us; it is the beliefs that we hold that cause us to become depressed, anxious, enraged, etc. The idea that our beliefs upset us was first articulated by Epictetus around 2,000 years ago: "Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them."

The Goal of Happiness

According to Albert Ellis and to REBT, the vast majority of us want to be happy. We want to be happy whether we are alone or with others; we want to get along with others—especially with one or two close friends; we want to be well informed and educated; we want a good job with good pay; and we want to enjoy our leisure time. Of course life doesn't always allow us to have what we want; our goal of being happy is often thwarted by the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." When our goals are blocked, we can respond in ways that are healthy and helpful, or we can react in ways that are unhealthy and unhelpful.

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2


__________________
"I am a Surrendered Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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There is no reason why anyone with any hurt, habit, or hang up cannot be helped. The Person-God partnership simply needs to be more powerful than any hurt, habit or hangup.

Behind everything you do is a THOUGHT.

Every BEHAVIOR is motivated by a BELIEF.

Every ACTION is prompted by an ATTITUDE.

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With respect to behavior, life is about, emotions, beliefs, thinking and control.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."Proverbs 29:11 (Displaced Behaviors)

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 (Direct Behavior)

When you think and empower yourself and surrender control to God, when you Intelligently Delegate Control to God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10),

God returns that control to you with a, “Helper," the Holy Spirit, (John 14:16) a form of Reciprocal Innervation.

You regain control: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

No longer are you subject to corrupted displaced thinking but instead are transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

This is where science and scripture intertwine, where Christ Driven Behavior brings, values, control, cause, character and purpose driven behavior, the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23 .

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Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

2 Corinthians 12-9:“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

John 14:16: "He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—"

Philippians 2:13: "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Galatians 5:22-23 "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Ephesians 4:22-23 "...put away the old person you used to be. Have nothing to do with your old sinful life. It was sinful because of being fooled into following bad desires. Let your minds and hearts be made new."

Life is about finding Purpose. When you have a, "Global Purpose," in life, healthy direct assertive thinking and behavior follow.

Change your thinking, change your life!

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