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Finding Help When You’re a Sex Addict: Not So Easy

By Brian Whitney on October 1, 2015 in For Yourself, Porn Addiction, Sex Addiction

"My high came from having multiple sexual partners and lying to them all. This wasn’t about the sex; it was about control and power. But even when my life was falling apart because of my sexual behavior, I didn’t stop. I just kept going deeper into addiction."

source: http://www.addiction.com/13652/finding-help-when-youre-a-sex-addict-not-so-easy/


What is the common denominator of any addiction aka any compulsive behavior? The answer is remarkably complex but at the same time simple. The common denominator in all addictive behavior is an attempt to regain control over emotional feelings of helplessness, feeling trapped, powerless and out of control. Addiction always serves an emotional purpose. When circumstances in life become overwhelming and renders the person with helpless feelings, the addict attempts to regain control with a displaced behavior that gets them out of the trap, even if momentarily. The alcoholic regains control of his helpless feelings with the quick fix or mood changer of chemicals. The porn addicts escapes his overwhelming issues with looking at porn, the gambler regains control of his emotions by getting lost in the high of the possibility of winning. The sex addict regains control, escapes his helplessness trap by regaining power and control with sexual conquests. These types of behaviors always have rewards (regaining control) even though the behavior is displaced in that the behavior is not a health direct behavior.
One type of healthy direct behavior is Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) based on rewards or values taught in scripture. When you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, we regain control of our helpless, trapped circumstances with direct healthy behavior that honors God. We regain control with our thinking not our emotions. We can't always control our external circumstances, but we can change how we think about them! We learn healthy values that are used to regain control over themes in our lives that render us feeling helpless. We regain control with Direct behavior and not Displaced behavior.
This isn't rocket science. This is scripture and behavior science intertwined in order to regain control over hurts, habits and hangups. Jesus Christ wrote 66 books on behavior therapy by proxy. Below are a few pertinent passages:

1. Don’t let your emotions dictate your behavior: Proverbs 29:11: "A fool vents their feelings, a wise person holds them back." (Addictive behavior, all hurts, habits and hangups are a (displaced) emotional responses to overwhelming feelings of helplessness, hopeless, frustration, being trapped, powerless and out of control).
2. Change your thinking: Romans 12:2: "Don't be conformed to this world but instead be transformed with new thinking." (We can respond to adversity with displaced behavior or direct healthy behavior, which is Christ Driven Behavior based on Christ’s values and tenets…)
3. Surrender or Intelligently Delegate Control to God (ID): 2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (Surrender control to God, Intelligently Delegate control to Christ over life’s inevitable feelings of helplessness…..).
4. God reciprocates and returns the control to us through a Helper, the Holy Spirit (RI) John 14:16: “I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— (We regain control of our helpless trapped feelings with the mentorship of the Holy Spirit, this is Reciprocal Innervation-we give God Control-He returns the control with Christ like thinking, values and purpose).
5. Demonstrate self-control the values of the Holy Spirit: Galatians 5:22-23: “The fruits of the Spirit are self-control, love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness.” (Regain control of your life in a healthy way. If you have a choice, choose a better life, of healthy direct Christ Driven Behavior).

This is the synergy of science and scripture. This is changing your thinking and letting God change your life. This is your choosing to have a better life.

With Christ Recovery, help is for the asking. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." —2 Corinthians 5:17

"I am a Surrendered Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."

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Reply with quote  #2 
Great words here! There are many ways that we humans sin and fall short lying, greed, stealing, adultery, taking the Lord's name in vain, and many other selfish acts. All sins are equally serious before our Holy God.If there is some sexual sin in your life, the first step toward improvement is to understand and admit what you have done. Grasp the seriousness of this. Control it. You have been breaking a commandment of God. If you are returning to this behavior over and over again, despite your efforts to stop, go for a rehab clinic. Rehab programs have their own ways to deal with such addictions. Once you are out of rehab clinics you are not safe from getting addicted again. Bring yourself under spirituality. There are very feeble chances to get addicted again.
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There is no reason why anyone with any hurt, habit, or hang up cannot be helped. The Person-God partnership simply needs to be more powerful than any hurt, habit or hangup.

Behind everything you do is a THOUGHT.

Every BEHAVIOR is motivated by a BELIEF.

Every ACTION is prompted by an ATTITUDE.


With respect to behavior, life is about, emotions, beliefs, thinking and control.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."Proverbs 29:11 (Displaced Behaviors)

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 (Direct Behavior)

When you think and empower yourself and surrender control to God, when you Intelligently Delegate Control to God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10),

God returns that control to you with a, “Helper," the Holy Spirit, (John 14:16) a form of Reciprocal Innervation.

You regain control: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

No longer are you subject to corrupted displaced thinking but instead are transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

This is where science and scripture intertwine, where Christ Driven Behavior brings, values, control, cause, character and purpose driven behavior, the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23 .

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17.


Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

2 Corinthians 12-9:“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

John 14:16: "He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—"

Philippians 2:13: "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Galatians 5:22-23 "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Ephesians 4:22-23 "...put away the old person you used to be. Have nothing to do with your old sinful life. It was sinful because of being fooled into following bad desires. Let your minds and hearts be made new."

Life is about finding Purpose. When you have a, "Global Purpose," in life, healthy direct assertive thinking and behavior follow.

Change your thinking, change your life!

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