Celebrate Christ Recovery Forum: "The Synergy of Addiction Science and Scripture."
Sign up Calendar Latest Topics

  Author   Comment  

Avatar / Picture

Posts: 1,602
Reply with quote  #1 

Confessions of a People Pleaser

By Juliet Abram 03/04/15

"If I'm a people pleaser, then why are other people somehow often displeased with me?
Today, I still ask myself the same simple list of questions that I devised through working with my therapist. "

1.  Am I neglecting myself to help others?

2.  Am I participating in making decisions or allowing others to make them for me?

3.  Am I telling others what they want to hear or what I really think?

4.  If someone rejects me, what is the worst that can happen?

5.  Do I apologize for saying no?

Lastly, I tell myself "friends do not always agree on everything."



The author wisely states, "I am quicker to spot when I am doing it because my anxiety will increase."

Anxiety will increase is the key phrase from the author. All hurts, habits and hangups serve an emotional purpose. Anxiety stems from feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and out of control. We all have certain themes in our lives that trigger an emotional response. Anticipating these themes and responding with direct health behavior, not displaced substitute behavior is the key.

"The power to reason (think) can be dulled when we fail to detach ourselves from the emotional content of a problem." 

This is the core issue with any compulsive behavior, any hurt habit or hangup. Whether it is alcoholism or codependency, we all have core themes or issues that we feel are very important to us. When confronted with these circumstances we feel emotionally overwhelmed, helpless, trapped and lacking control. While easier said than done, we need to give God control, change our thinking and let God change our lives. All hurts, habits and hangups are behavioral attempts to regain control over helpless situations. We can attempt to regain control with displaced behaviors such as codependency, drinking, etc., or health direct behaviors, which are best served as Christ driven behaviors that honor God. All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.” (2 Timothy 3:16 NLT)

Proverbs 29:11:  "A fool vents their feelings, a wise person holds them back." (Addictive behavior, all hurts, habits and hangups are a (displaced) responses to overwhelming feelings of helplessness, being trapped, powerless and out of control). Proverbs 28:26 “Don’t trust your heart (emotions), think wisely.”
Romans 12:2:  "Don't be conformed to this world but instead be transformed with new thinking." (We can respond to adversity with displaced behavior or direct healthy behavior, which is Christ Driven Behavior based on Christ’s values and tenets…)
2 Corinthians 12:9-10:  
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (Surrender control to God, Intelligently Delegate control to Christ over life’s inevitable feelings of helplessness…..).
John 14:16:
  “I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever— (We regain control of our helpless trapped feelings with the Holy Spirit, this is Reciprocal Innervation-we give God Control-He returns the control with Christ like thinking and values). Also John 14:26: “The Holy Spirit … will be your teacher and will bring to your minds all that I have said to you.”
Galatians 5:22-23:
   “The fruits of the Spirit are self-control, love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and gentleness.” (Regain control of your life in a healthy way. If you have a choice, choose a better life, of health direct Christ Driven Behavior).
2 Corinthians 5:17Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. “ God specializes in making all thing new.

Regain control, escape the trap with Christ Driven Behavior, direct healthy behavior. This is the marriage of science and scripture. Change your thinking and change your life.

"I am a Surrendered Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
Previous Topic | Next Topic

Quick Navigation:

Create your own forum with Website Toolbox!

There is no reason why anyone with any hurt, habit, or hang up cannot be helped. The Person-God partnership simply needs to be more powerful than any hurt, habit or hangup.

Behind everything you do is a THOUGHT.

Every BEHAVIOR is motivated by a BELIEF.

Every ACTION is prompted by an ATTITUDE.


With respect to behavior, life is about, emotions, beliefs, thinking and control.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."Proverbs 29:11 (Displaced Behaviors)

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 (Direct Behavior)

When you think and empower yourself and surrender control to God, when you Intelligently Delegate Control to God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10),

God returns that control to you with a, “Helper," the Holy Spirit, (John 14:16) a form of Reciprocal Innervation.

You regain control: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

No longer are you subject to corrupted displaced thinking but instead are transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

This is where science and scripture intertwine, where Christ Driven Behavior brings, values, control, cause, character and purpose driven behavior, the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23 .

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17.


Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

2 Corinthians 12-9:“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

John 14:16: "He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—"

Philippians 2:13: "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Galatians 5:22-23 "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Ephesians 4:22-23 "...put away the old person you used to be. Have nothing to do with your old sinful life. It was sinful because of being fooled into following bad desires. Let your minds and hearts be made new."

Life is about finding Purpose. When you have a, "Global Purpose," in life, healthy direct assertive thinking and behavior follow.

Change your thinking, change your life!

admin: chiro @ Earthlink.net