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Ask Katie: Can I Trust my "Recovered" Partner to Drink in Moderation?

By Katie MacBride 10/18/16
Should we trust a one-time problem drinker's new found moderation? How do we figure out how to draw the line between acceptance of a loved-one's behavior and self-care? Katie weighs in.

source: https://www.thefix.com/ask-katie-can-i-trust-my-recovered-partner-drink-moderation

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The real question is can an alcoholic drink moderately or can an alcoholic ever truly recover? The medical evidence is an unequivocal yes but success depends on the person. Paramount to a healthy personal recovery is an understanding of WHY they abused chemicals on a compulsive basis.

Chemical abuse always serves and emotional purpose. Drinking or taking drugs never occurs randomly. There is always a reason and a reward. People abuse chemicals on a compulsive basis because they want to change the way they feel. If they are chemical abusers, they want the quick fix or mood changer and they want it now. The chemical abuser specializes in feeling that life should be fair, painless and without effort. When and IF, the chemical abuser no longer abuses for emotional reasons, then moderation is possible and realistic. This is why non abusers can drink in moderation. They don't use chemicals to change the way the feel. In fact, they stop drinking because they feel they have had enough and don't like the way they feel! Contrary to the chemical abuser, the normal drinker feels they are losing control and stops drinking! The chemical abuser drinks to regain control and the moderate drinker stops drinking to regain control!

The way addiction works is when people find themselves in circumstances that feel overwhelmed, helpless, frustrated, trapped and instead of taking a direct action to deal with their feelings they take a indirect or substitute action such as chemical abuse. It could be porn, gambling, etc.
The function (purpose) of addiction is to reverse a sense of helplessness.

True addiction, versus simple physical dependence, is neither more nor less than an emotional solution to manage feelings of intolerable helplessness. When people feel utterly trapped,  they have to do something,  when they feel they can't act directly to get out of that trap, then they have to do something else! That something else,  is therefore a substitute action, technically called a displacement.  For example, getting drunk is a displaced behavior which functions as quick fix or mood changer that at least temporarily serves to escape the trap because the abuser it doing something to empower themselves! When people repetitively perform a displaced action trying to manage overwhelming feeling of helplessness, we call this driven compulsive behavior an  addiction. This is exactly what chemical abusers do they when they take a substitute quick fix or mood changer of drugs and alcohol escape the trap of helplessness.

But there's always something people can do at these moments that is more direct! ( even if not perfect).

People find that when they take direct healthy action, the  addictive urge almost always vanishes!  This sounds like magic but it makes sense because having acted more directly, they no longer need a substitute behavior. This direct healthy action could be simply facing your helpless circumstances, talking to a person or channeling your actions into a less destructive manner. Exercise, reading a book or doing something fun, (besides drugs),  can change the mood, empower the individual and regain control of their feelings!

Where there is direct (not displaced) behavior there is no addiction. This is where Christ driven behavior can be a direct healthy behavior. Always asked is my behavior honor God? When we decide to choose the values and principles espoused by Jesus Christ, we find motivation, self-control  and purpose. . The Bible is the book that contains this template for purpose based motivation, mindfulness, character, values and tenets for life. (Sermon on the Mount-The Eight Beatitudes). Empower yourself and choose to allow the philosophical values and principles of Jesus Christ to TRANSFORM your thinking and change the very essence of your life-forever.

Celebrate Christ Recovery is dedicated to the idea that a person's values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life. People overcome hurts, habits and hang-ups out of purpose-based motivation -- they better themselves when they recognize how their habits, violate who they were, what they want to be, where they want to go in life. All change ultimately occurs because of decisions (Thinking) people make for themselves. People change when they HURT enough and have to or when they LEARN enough and want to. People change when they are, "Motivated," to change and they choose to change. What motivates people? Values motivate people. The Bible is the book that contains this template for purpose based motivation, mindfulness, character, values and tenets for life. (Sermon on the Mount-The Eight Beatitudes). Empower yourself and choose to allow the philosophical values and principles of Jesus Christ to TRANSFORM your thinking and change the very essence of your life-forever.


__________________
"I am a Surrendered Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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There is no reason why anyone with any hurt, habit, or hang up cannot be helped. The Person-God partnership simply needs to be more powerful than any hurt, habit or hangup.

Behind everything you do is a THOUGHT.

Every BEHAVIOR is motivated by a BELIEF.

Every ACTION is prompted by an ATTITUDE.

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With respect to behavior, life is about, emotions, beliefs, thinking and control.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."Proverbs 29:11 (Displaced Behaviors)

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 (Direct Behavior)

When you think and empower yourself and surrender control to God, when you Intelligently Delegate Control to God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10),

God returns that control to you with a, “Helper," the Holy Spirit, (John 14:16) a form of Reciprocal Innervation.

You regain control: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

No longer are you subject to corrupted displaced thinking but instead are transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

This is where science and scripture intertwine, where Christ Driven Behavior brings, values, control, cause, character and purpose driven behavior, the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23 .

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Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

2 Corinthians 12-9:“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

John 14:16: "He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—"

Philippians 2:13: "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Galatians 5:22-23 "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Ephesians 4:22-23 "...put away the old person you used to be. Have nothing to do with your old sinful life. It was sinful because of being fooled into following bad desires. Let your minds and hearts be made new."

Life is about finding Purpose. When you have a, "Global Purpose," in life, healthy direct assertive thinking and behavior follow.

Change your thinking, change your life!

admin: chiro @ Earthlink.net