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Are Codependence and People Pleasing Shrinking Your Life?

Supporting others in their dysfunction comes at a great cost to yourself.

Published on September 30, 2014 by Susan Biali, M.D. in Prescriptions for Life

"Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. People with a predisposition to be a codependent enabler often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helper types are often dependent on the other person's poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs."

"Codependency often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns."

Read more: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201409/are-codependence-and-people-pleasing-shrinking-your-life


We are all powerless over our tendency to do the wrong thing, but we are not powerless to choose how to think.
Instead of going to God’s Word for direction when tough temptations loom, or instead of using the brains He gave us, we often go with our gut, our emotions. Or worse, we fly on autopilot, not giving a second thought to the consequences of our actions.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), helps to change the way you think about situations and behave within them. Feelings and behaviors are caused by a person's thoughts, not on outside stimuli like people, situations and events. People may not be able to control their external circumstances, but they can change how they think about them and therefore change how they feel and behave (Romans 12:2).

Christian Behavior Therapy, is a form of CBT where we delegate control of our lives to Christ then the Holy Spirit returns that control to us. (That's right, we are not religious zombies with no free will, prefrontal cortex or choice). All addictive behavior is compulsive behavior in which we try to regain control of the circumstances in our lives that cause us to feel stressed, overwhelmed, helpless, trapped and yes, out of control. But we have a choice, we have free will. Christians respond to stress in order to regain control of their issue in two ways:

1. Direct healthy behavior-Christ Driven Behavior based on a relationship with the values of Christ ***
2. Displaced substitute behavior- codependence, anger, drugs, etc.

1. Don’t let your emotions govern your life. Proverbs 29:11   Reborn 2 Corinthians 5:17
2. Change your thinking Romans 12:2
3. Surrender or Delegate Control to Christ 2 Corinthians 12-9
3. Christ returns the control to us through the Holy Spirit John 14:16; Philippians 2:13
4. Exhibit the virtues and behavior of Christ Driven Behavior 
Galatians 5:22

This type of cognitive behavior therapy, is the marriage of science and scripture. Change your thinking and change your life.


"I am a Surrendered Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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There is no reason why anyone with any hurt, habit, or hang up cannot be helped. The Person-God partnership simply needs to be more powerful than any hurt, habit or hangup.

Behind everything you do is a THOUGHT.

Every BEHAVIOR is motivated by a BELIEF.

Every ACTION is prompted by an ATTITUDE.


With respect to behavior, life is about, emotions, beliefs, thinking and control.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."Proverbs 29:11 (Displaced Behaviors)

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 (Direct Behavior)

When you think and empower yourself and surrender control to God, when you Intelligently Delegate Control to God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10),

God returns that control to you with a, “Helper," the Holy Spirit, (John 14:16) a form of Reciprocal Innervation.

You regain control: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

No longer are you subject to corrupted displaced thinking but instead are transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

This is where science and scripture intertwine, where Christ Driven Behavior brings, values, control, cause, character and purpose driven behavior, the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23 .

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17.


Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

2 Corinthians 12-9:“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

John 14:16: "He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—"

Philippians 2:13: "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Galatians 5:22-23 "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Ephesians 4:22-23 "...put away the old person you used to be. Have nothing to do with your old sinful life. It was sinful because of being fooled into following bad desires. Let your minds and hearts be made new."

Life is about finding Purpose. When you have a, "Global Purpose," in life, healthy direct assertive thinking and behavior follow.

Change your thinking, change your life!

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