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5 Ways to Break Free From Perfectionism

By Nina Bradshaw Dec 31 2015

"People who are perfectionists tend to like being in control. For some, this may stem from a deep-rooted feeling of insecurity caused by a traumatic childhood where things may have been chaotic and out of control. For others, it may be the only way they can feel valued and loved after growing up in a home where positive attention was conditional upon achievement."

"Perfectionists hardly feel good enough and are constantly striving for recognition. At times, they push themselves so hard that it becomes emotionally draining and can lead to depression. Some end up coping with the pressure through addictive substances, which enables them to escape the dreadful feelings of inadequacy."

Read more: http://www.soberrecovery.com/recovery/5-ways-to-break-free-from-perfectionism/


All hurts, habits and hangups serve an emotional purpose. Addiction is a displaced behavior, a symptom not a disease, caused by feelings of profound, intolerable helplessness and lack of control. Addiction is a behavior intended to reverse a profound, intolerable sense/feeling of helplessness. This displacement (addiction) is an attempt to regain some measure of self-control. Addictive actions are the result of an emotional process – an attempted solution to feeling helplessly overwhelmed.

With respect to Co-dependence, the difference between compassion and codependence centers on how a person views himself or herself. Compassionate people possess the ability to empathize and sympathize with the suffering of others while taking responsibility for their own needs. Codependent individuals put the feelings of others before themselves, setting aside their own needs in order to serve someone else. One accepted theory links compassion and codependence to setting boundaries and respecting the limits set by others.

Codependent people typically do not set personal boundaries for themselves and cannot recognize boundaries set by others. Their behavior is based on sacrifice and a perceived obligation to help others fix their problems. They commonly work to protect others from the consequences of behavior and do things for others they are capable of doing themselves. Compassion and codependence might be explained as opposites, because compassionate individuals control their own lives and allow others to do the same.

When a person does not set personal boundaries, or if he is unsure of them, he might not feel safe. He may possess a strong urge to help someone, despite his own unmet needs. Codependent people commonly navigate toward people who need to be rescued and protected. They need to be needed and might suffer from low self-esteem.

The term codependency describes a situation in which a person literally becomes emotionally addicted to another person's addiction. Some experts even refer to codependency as a "relationship addiction", because codependents often form dysfunctional, one-sided relationships with self-destructive partners.

Fear of the unknown drives perfectionists to want to control everything, which can be very tiring.

The antidote for Co-dependence as in any other hurt, habit or hangup is to give God Control.
When we give God control He returns that control to us with a Helper. When we surrender our lives to Christ, we find new values, purpose and motivation for our behavior. We find our lives changing as we exhibit the values or fruits of the Holy Spirit including self control.

Don’t let your emotions govern your life, your helpless situations. Proverbs 29:11
Change your thinking allow your cerebral cortex to trump your limbic system. Romans 12:2; become Reborn 2 Corinthians 5:17

Surrender or Delegate Control to God 2 Corinthians 12-9
God returns the control to us through the Holy Spirit, a Helper: John 14:16; Philippians 2:13
You will regain control, be empowered and exhibit the direct healthy  virtues, values and behavior of Christ Driven Behavior (CDB)Galatians 5:22-23

When you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you replace the rewards of Displaced behaviors or addictions with the rewards of Direct Christ Driven Behavior (CDB). When you give God control that control will be returned to you with the fruits of the spirit including self-control. We develop new values, motivation, purpose and character. Recognize your weakness, Reframe the pros and cons  and Replace the cons with new CDB behavior. 

Christ Driven Behavior empowers us to regain control of our lives by following the values and principles of the best Psychotherapist, Jesus Christ.  This relationship brings motivation and purpose to our lives. This is the marriage of Science and Scripture.

Perfection is not required, but progress is possible, when you allow Christ to change your thinking. Romans 12:2

"I am a Surrendered Believer in Jesus Christ with Free Will and I CHOSE Surrender (Intelligent Delegation) in my victory over, “Recreational Chemical Abuse, my weekend, "False Idols."
"I chose DIRECT health assertive Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) instead of DISPLACED behavior in order to regain control over feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and lacking control. I changed my, "Thinking," and God changed my life."
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There is no reason why anyone with any hurt, habit, or hang up cannot be helped. The Person-God partnership simply needs to be more powerful than any hurt, habit or hangup.

Behind everything you do is a THOUGHT.

Every BEHAVIOR is motivated by a BELIEF.

Every ACTION is prompted by an ATTITUDE.


With respect to behavior, life is about, emotions, beliefs, thinking and control.

"A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."Proverbs 29:11 (Displaced Behaviors)

"Do not be conformed by this world but instead by the renewing of your mind." Romans 12:2 (Direct Behavior)

When you think and empower yourself and surrender control to God, when you Intelligently Delegate Control to God (2 Corinthians 12:9-10),

God returns that control to you with a, “Helper," the Holy Spirit, (John 14:16) a form of Reciprocal Innervation.

You regain control: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

No longer are you subject to corrupted displaced thinking but instead are transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

This is where science and scripture intertwine, where Christ Driven Behavior brings, values, control, cause, character and purpose driven behavior, the fruits of the spirit Galatians 5:22-23 .

“If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” 2 Corinthians 5:17.


Proverbs 29:11 "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back."

Romans 12:2: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

2 Corinthians 12-9:“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

John 14:16: "He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—"

Philippians 2:13: "for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure."

Galatians 5:22-23 "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Ephesians 4:22-23 "...put away the old person you used to be. Have nothing to do with your old sinful life. It was sinful because of being fooled into following bad desires. Let your minds and hearts be made new."

Life is about finding Purpose. When you have a, "Global Purpose," in life, healthy direct assertive thinking and behavior follow.

Change your thinking, change your life!

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